Item 1 - Video!

[sneakykidwiththehair]

[Public]

[Video clicks on, and lo! It's a teenage boy with a shock of grey hair. He's walking as he talks, wandering the halls of the Barge apparently aimlessly.]

Uh, hey, I don't wanna cause a stink, but there's been some kind of terrible mistake here. My- uh, my parents, are going to be losing their minds back home in New Jersey...

[There might be something ever so slightly shifty about how he says this, but then again, he is a recently deceased teenage boy. He could easily just be nervous.]

All of this-- this inmate stuff? Yeah, you definitely got the wrong guy for that. I got a perfectly normal, crime free life, back home with my family. Yes, we cheat on our taxes and have the occasional three am family-document-shredding-party, but who doesn't? By nine am we're back to pancakes and oatmeal, and that, [decisive finger jab at the screen.] Is how you live the American dream, right?

[Private to Inmates]

So, does anyone ever actually escape from this place?

Comments

[strangehistorian]

I don't like to think of it as a prison, more of a rehabilitation facility!

[sneakykidwiththehair]

You think of this place as a rehab? Do we have to do all that, touchy feely, twelve step program, circle of trust stuff?

[strangehistorian]

I'm not sure what that is, but there's no set formula for an individual inmate's progress.

[sneakykidwiththehair]

Twelve step programs are like, these things they do to get people to quit drinking and stuff. You have to go through a list of tasks, and they're all like:

Make a list of all everywhere you've ever passed out drunk, then go to those places and leave flowers.

Or:

Weave a blanket of apology for everyone your drinking has ever hurt, then invite them to come sleep under it for three nights.

Not really my thing, but hey, whatever works works, right?

[strangehistorian]

Well, if it works that's... good!

[That seems very strange but she won't be rude.]

[sneakykidwiththehair]

You don't see much of it here though, I guess.

[strangehistorian]

Not really! As I said, there is no one formula for an inmate's rehabilitation!

[sneakykidwiththehair]

So, do you have an inmate? What's the formula for him?

[strangehistorian]

Her!

Well, obviously that is a private matter between myself and my inmate but learning to accept that life won't always be terrible is a good start!

[sneakykidwiththehair]

Heh. That's gotta be a tough sell.

[strangehistorian]

We are making progress.