Item 1 - Video!

[sneakykidwiththehair]

[Public]

[Video clicks on, and lo! It's a teenage boy with a shock of grey hair. He's walking as he talks, wandering the halls of the Barge apparently aimlessly.]

Uh, hey, I don't wanna cause a stink, but there's been some kind of terrible mistake here. My- uh, my parents, are going to be losing their minds back home in New Jersey...

[There might be something ever so slightly shifty about how he says this, but then again, he is a recently deceased teenage boy. He could easily just be nervous.]

All of this-- this inmate stuff? Yeah, you definitely got the wrong guy for that. I got a perfectly normal, crime free life, back home with my family. Yes, we cheat on our taxes and have the occasional three am family-document-shredding-party, but who doesn't? By nine am we're back to pancakes and oatmeal, and that, [decisive finger jab at the screen.] Is how you live the American dream, right?

[Private to Inmates]

So, does anyone ever actually escape from this place?

Comments

[patheticvillain]

Newhamston? Seriously. I've never heard of that.

[sneakykidwiththehair]

What am I, your A to Z? I don't care if you've never heard of it.

How could you get a message to them?

[patheticvillain]

I just used to live right near there, that's why I'm surprised.

I'm a warden. I have ways.

[sneakykidwiththehair]

If you send them a note saying that I'm in a safe place, aren't they just going to think you kidnapped me?

[patheticvillain]

Hey, it's not my problem what they think. I just said I'd get 'em a message.

[sneakykidwiththehair]

I guess I could say I was off to seek my fortune or something.

I'll try and think of something to say to them.

[Something to pretend he wants to send to his none-existent parents, in order to keep his shitty life secret.]

[patheticvillain]

Who even says that anymore? "Off to seek my fortune." What are you, a Dickens character?

[sneakykidwiththehair]

My folks are old school. They'll understand.