Item 1 - Video!

[sneakykidwiththehair]

[Public]

[Video clicks on, and lo! It's a teenage boy with a shock of grey hair. He's walking as he talks, wandering the halls of the Barge apparently aimlessly.]

Uh, hey, I don't wanna cause a stink, but there's been some kind of terrible mistake here. My- uh, my parents, are going to be losing their minds back home in New Jersey...

[There might be something ever so slightly shifty about how he says this, but then again, he is a recently deceased teenage boy. He could easily just be nervous.]

All of this-- this inmate stuff? Yeah, you definitely got the wrong guy for that. I got a perfectly normal, crime free life, back home with my family. Yes, we cheat on our taxes and have the occasional three am family-document-shredding-party, but who doesn't? By nine am we're back to pancakes and oatmeal, and that, [decisive finger jab at the screen.] Is how you live the American dream, right?

[Private to Inmates]

So, does anyone ever actually escape from this place?

Comments

[Private to Mason alone!]

[sneakykidwiththehair]

So they wrote you a back story! If anything, nothing changing for forty years only supports the fact that they didn't bother to flesh your back story out! Someone just wrote: And Mason did drugs and killed people for forty years until the pilot episode!

And people don't notice in here, because none of them are real either. If you ever made it to the real world, everyone would call you something different, and they'd all think you were an actor.

[Private to Mason alone!]

[maced_eggs]

I do not fuckin' kill people, all right?

Fuck off. You don't know what the fuck you're on about.

[Private to Mason alone!]

[sneakykidwiththehair]

Fine, think what you want. There's no place like home, except here.

[Private to Mason alone!]

[maced_eggs]

I will. I will think what I like.

[Private to Mason alone!]

[sneakykidwiththehair]

Good. See if I care.

[Private to Mason alone!]

[maced_eggs]

One more thing: your hair makes you look like a pint-sized Mozart, you little twerp.

[Private to Mason alone!]

[sneakykidwiththehair]

Well you're like a dime store knock off of Hugh Laurie, starring in one of those public service announcements about how drugs are lame.

[Private to Mason alone!]

[maced_eggs]

I take high offense to that statement.

Extraordinarily high offense.

[Private to Mason alone!]

[sneakykidwiththehair]

Tell it to Chinese counterfeit Stephen Fry.

[Private to Mason alone!]

[maced_eggs]

Fuck off! Fuck off, you shite little punk!

[Private to Mason alone!]

[sneakykidwiththehair]

[NOISY CACKLING!!!]

[And then he fucks off.]